It's wintertime. The snow is falling; the roads are impassable. Seasonal depression grips you as your midriff expands, your legs turn to rubber, and your forlorn bicycle sulks in a corner covered in tinsel like your drunk co-worker at the office holiday party.
It is at this point that you begin to contemplate desperate measures. When you're snowed in and trapped in a remote cabin with dwindling resources, the dog starts to look delicious. Similarly, when you can't ride and you've just watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation for the 14th time, the idea of riding indoors becomes appealing.
Whether it's canine casserole or hours of futile spinning on a glorified hamster wheel, I cannot stress this enough:
Don't give in.
More From Bicycling
Sure, you might delude yourself into thinking that you're getting a jump on your spring fitness by riding the trainer, but this is like saying you're getting a jump on summer by getting a spray tan—they're going to happen either way, so when you rush it you mostly just look ridiculous. (And this is to say nothing of actually buying some kind of dedicated stationary bicycle that costs as much as an all-in trip to Miami Beach.) The truth is that there is a much more productive way to spend your off-season downtime, and it will make you a far better and more well-rounded cyclist than spinning in place while re-watching the Classics.
What is it?
Bicycle maintenance.
It's been a long riding season, and whether you own one bicycle or several, if you've been doing it right your "fleet" could use some serious attention. Now, there's certainly nothing wrong with supporting your friendly neighborhood bicycle mechanic (or even your ornery neighborhood bicycle mechanic) by dropping your bike off at the LBS. However, the truly well-rounded cyclist doesn't just ride a bike; he or she also understands it.
Of course, the number one reason people give for not working on their own bikes is that they don't have the time. After all, it's hard to find time to ride, and who wants to spend the weekend doing maintenance when you could be on the bike instead? Well, guess what: It's 20 degrees, there's four feet of snow outside, and you're re-reading mail order catalogues on the toilet.
Time is all you got, baby.
The Basics
First, start with the simple stuff that requires little in the way of skill and mostly just involves getting dirty. Replace your brake pads. It's easy; they just slide right out. Then remove your cassette. Roll up those sleeves and de-grime each cog with an old toothbrush. It may sound tedious, but trust me: Worrying away at small bits of metal like a prisoner trying to fashion a shiv is exactly what you need to be doing right now.
Video: Replace and Adjust Brake Pads
Next, take off your chain. Yeah, that's right, your chain comes off. Now clean it like you cleaned your cassette. Oh, how about your derailleur pulleys? Those come out too, you know, and they're probably caked with a season's worth of whichever boutique chain lube you use. Might as well pull that crank and clean the chainrings while you're at it.
It's just this sort of intense, maniacal focus that staves off insanity.
Intermediate
Okay, so your drivetrain is clean. Congratulations, you've passed basic training. Now that you're done wallowing in grime, you can move on to more elaborate tasks, such changing your cables and housing.
Cabling a bicycle is a lot like re-stringing a guitar: basically it's all about getting the tension right so the whole thing resonates just so. If you do get it right, once the snow melts, your next ride will be like Jim Croce playing "Time in a Bottle." If not, it will be more like a five-year-old in oven mitts playing a broken ukulele.
But don't worry, you've got plenty of time to figure it out and fine-tune your touch. In no time you'll be twiddling those barrel adjusters as casually as a folkie fingering the tuning pegs.
Speaking of manual dexterity, this is also a great opportunity to master wrapping your bars. Pro tip: Be firm yet gentle as you work your way along the bar, like the blind woman fondling Lionel Richie's face in the "Hello" video.
Video: Replace Derailleur Cables and Housing
Advanced
Okay, so your bikes are all tuned up, yet it still looks like the planet Hoth outside. (You know, the ice planet from the Star Wars movies—don't pretend you haven't been watching them while housebound.) This only means one thing:
You need a project.
When it comes to projects, there's no better one than building a wheel. Yes, that's right: you can actually put a wheel together from parts! The wheel companies may have convinced you that bicycle wheels only exist as pre-fabricated "systems," but this is mostly an optical illusion created by marketing and decals. Furthermore, you can probably put together a pretty decent pair of wheels for less money than you paid for your ready-made "system"—and you don't even have to feel guilty about spending the money since you've saved so much by tuning up your bikes yourself.
As for instructions, it's all right there on the Internet.
So cue up some music and start lacing those wheels, and next thing you know it will be spring. You may not be the fastest person out there on those first couple of rides, but you'll have mastery of your bike, and that's worth a lot more in the long run.
